hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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