I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
