Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize