I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
