Screwed.edu
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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