Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
