my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
