I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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