I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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