I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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