I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
