Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
