i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize