I'm going to jail i love you
This is not my ceiling
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
