I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
