I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
