Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
