The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
