I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize