Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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