I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
