She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
