If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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