Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
