Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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