Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
