if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize