What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
