I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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