I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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