dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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