It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
