It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize