The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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