After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize