I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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