He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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