went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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