i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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