fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
