Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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