So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He had one of those small greek statue penises
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
