I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
