he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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