worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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