I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
