So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
