That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
