Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There are leaves in my underwear?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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