So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
accomplished twins. life is a go
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm like, not good at living.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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