i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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