I'm really into asian looking animals
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
