Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize