Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
