It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize