What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
