I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
