I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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