Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
