Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
