She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's never too late to be topless.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
