I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
