i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
