YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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