Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
