My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
