If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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