After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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