OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
