someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
