I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
