oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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