You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
