So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
