Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
