I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
