I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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