Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You need Xanax blowdarts
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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