hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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