My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
