Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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