Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize