I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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