yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize