Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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