but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
