this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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