all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
