Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
