I like to think it a success when the cops are called
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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