dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
