Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
