Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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