my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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