I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
