My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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