i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
