So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
