i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize