Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
